The commercial sex age gap debate

The subject of what is an appropriate age gap between prostitute & punter has been a frequent subject of debate over the years and one I've talked over at length with friends from the industry. As with many things in life I don't believe that there are hard & fast right or wrong conclusions but as I'll try and explain, in my opinion there are a number of "age appropriate" factors.

Let's start by being clear that commercial sex is just that - not a relationship and behind the curtain of illusion the provider is attracted to your money not you. Shame too many punters mistake consummate professionalism for something more and start fantasising or obsessing over being "the one" for the sex industry professional they see. So from an age gap is it fair to take the position that it's a commercial transaction so there are no age gap issues and it's a healthy outlet for middle aged (and older) men to spend time with an attractive younger women with everything staying behind closed doors ?

Well maybe, maybe not. A few personal opinions & observations:

• I do have issues with some forms of "schoolgirl" fantasy particularly where very young looking prostitutes are sought out even ones specifically requested who look & dress well under the legal age (18 in NZ).  I have a very strong opinion that such so called fantasies are a sick perversion.
• Yes, I have a daughter who is now half my age. My internalised debate has never been around "she's young enough to be your daughter" issues but yes fathers of daughters (apart from the sick fucks who seek the extreme young schoolgirl fantasies) do typically have a different perspective.
• I started punting around 20 years ago (rough guess) and so my thoughts on appropriate age gap have changed over the years.
• In my mid-late 30's I typically sought providers advertising as late 20's - 30's (more on the advertised versus real age another time !), in my 40's I was starting to move up a few notches age wise although my involvement with commercial BDSM/fetish play did blur the selection a little. I retired from punting in my early 50's and by then mostly saw women in their 30's to 40's.
• As I've touched on in a number of posts my typical use of the sex industry was 2-4 hour bookings where company & conversation were an important part of what I sought, yes another sweeping generalisation but this is a factor:

•  Yes, not long before I retired from punting I saw two young sex workers (one 19-20 the other 23-24)and had a great time that was fulfilling mentally as well as physically. I don't think that I would have booked them if we hadn't met socially as we did & I knew that they were mentally & emotionally far older than their age would portray. I seek people of have lived life rather than existed so finding people who have experienced the harder challenges of life is always a bonus.
• All of this is set within a context of commercial sex behind closed doors, some of the factors change when in a context of being out in public or social setting. Perhaps I'm letting other people's perceptions influence my thinking but I still believe the opinions to be valid.

A long conversation with a sex worker I used to know personally when she was preparing for another booking with a client in his 60's who used to fly her to Australia for 2-3 day bookings made me rethink some things. At that stage she was in her early 30's and we had a long conversation after she mentioned that she had issues seeing the guy despite him being a good person & the money being good because he wanted to be publicly affectionate & "clingy".

It certainly broadened my focus on age appropriate behaviour. Personally I'm always careful in public & in this case whenever I was out with her there would never have been any sign that we weren't just acquaintances out for a drink or meal. In private it did teach me to think about things - I'm a tactile person & when I'm with women I like touch is a natural way of connecting with them (absolutely appropriate & non-sexual in nature !) I've learned to ensure that such things are acceptable to the other person before making assumptions.

The dimension can apply the other way round. I remember seeing two different sex workers when I was in my late 30's to early 40's both of whom advertised as "early 40's" but were clearly very attractive 60's. In both cases I had an absolutely wonderful time but how would I have felt being out in public with them as one had suggested & having them publicly showing affection ? I have to say "uncomfortable" would have been my reaction.

So, what are my conclusions ? Yes there are age and behavioural issues to be considered even though we are all too often blinded to reality when we get tangled up in the magic curtain of illusion that is the sex industry. On a personal level my daughter has seen men close to my age, has brought them to dinner & the situation was fine. Yes, the judgemental beast within felt that it wasn't entirely right but no harm was done.

As a parting thought - the real issue is to consider the feelings of other's and behave in an appropriate & respectful manner in private as well as public. Unfortunately something I see & hear too little of around the sex industry let alone life in general.